Aural Sects

Feb 15 2014
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Feb 07 2014
This is a tactic used to silence women, in case that’s unclear — to call victims “crazy,” “jealous,” “unstable,” etc. It’s happened to me. It’s happened to countless other women. It’s no coincidence. It’s the plan. It’s how men continue to get away with abuse — because men are rational, you know, and women are nuts. It’s built into the system — the gender hierarchy — the notion that men can be trusted experts and taken at their word, whereas women should be questioned and forced to prove why anyone should listen or take them seriously.
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Jan 13 2014

"False Memory Syndrome"


If you study repressed memory of abuse, you’ll probably eventually come across the term “false memory syndrome.” Who made it up? It’s inventors are The False Memory Syndrome foundation, a group which was admittedly started and mostly run by accused child rapists. 

These accused molesters made this term up out of thin air. It appears nowhere in the DSM (the book psychologists use to diagnose mental disorders) and it isn’t recognized by the American Psychological Association. 

Here is a science based article proving that repression is common among abuse victims.


here is an article that addresses studies which claim to prove “false memory syndrome,” one by one. 

Still doubting your memories?

Here is an article explaining how the brain is wired to cause self-doubt after abuse, because of the effects of trauma to the right temporal lobe. 

Personally, I like to get my information from unbiased scientists, not accused child molesters with ulterior motives. “false memory syndrome”? I don’t think so.

More information about repression is available on my FAQ

(reblogs help your survivor followers cope with less self-doubt)

(Source: theresalwaysalwayssomething)

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Jan 04 2014



There is a worrying trend in certain movies, especially the ones for little girls, where a female character meets a male character who, at first appears to be a complete jerk, but then she persists and it turns out he’s really a nice guy.

But isn’t that how abusive relationships begin?  ”Sure he’s a jerk, but he’s really a nice guy.  Really!”

That’s what worries me.  Not a princess motif, but a message that we should allow ourselves to be abused on the off chance that someone might not be as horrible as they appear.


I see this in fiction SO OFTEN. The glorification of “jerk to everyone else, but totally nice to me”… let me tell you something. Either one face or the other is a lie and most likely in real life the “nice” face is the lie. I’ve seen it in all kinds of relationships… friendships, romantic, family, male and female… the constant excuse “well that’s just how they are to everyone else, but I know the real them”… no. You might see a small decent (and very real) part of them, true… but when they’re an asshole to everyone else that’s real too. And you won’t remain the exception to the rule forever. When you want to see the best in everyone this really sucks, believe me I know, but it’s true. And if they truly wanted to change, they’d start treating others good too. You shouldn’t WANT to be the exception, and you should damn sure not want to be the one to “fix” them. Run. Run far away from this relationship, please.

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Dec 26 2013


TW: discussion of abuse and sexual harassment among teens and abuse culture

I went to an alternative high school for a few months when I was in my late teens. I’d watch the students, years young than me and mostly Black and Latin@, interact with each other, and I noticed a troubling thing. The boys were inappropriately physically aggressive and harrasing the girls as ways to show camaraderie, friendship, & maybe even affection. They seldom communicated in other ways. Groping and grabbing butts, boobs, & thighs, too hard punches and being slapped in the face and restrained-the girls took it all with a smile and it was constant. Even when it was clear that the girls did not like the touching or the “playing” had gone too far, they still had to behave agreeably and joke in return, play anger was all that was allowed at best and so the boys didn’t take it seriously. If a girl did assert herself more and aggressively showed dissent, she would be called a “bitch”-They’re just playin’, why get so mad?

It was like the girls were being groomed to learn that men were entitled to their bodies in this manner and it was a good thing, and getting about it made you too sensitive, not cool, alarmist, a bitch. No teacher or students spoke up against this behaviour.

It was then I realized-We tell women to be submissive and patient and long-suffering, tell them that men’s toxic physical nature and machismo and infidelity and emotional coldness and manipulation and gruffness (which you too raise them with) is “just how boys are”, then we turn around and act mystified and confused at women who are in abusive relationships and don’t leave. WE taught them that is what true love looks like. WE taught them tolerating mistreatment is dedication and women should be quiet and take the abuse if they truly are in love. WE taught them that they don’t deserve any better.

This culture creates victims out of women and culls their dissent.

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Dec 24 2013


Imprisoned Pussy Riot members underwent daily ‘forced gynecological examinations’

Dec. 24 2013

After nearly two years in prison for singing a song about Vladimir Putin in Moscow’s main cathedral, the women of Pussy Riot are no less defiant. Maria Alyokhina and Nadezhda Tolokonnikova have walked free from prison , and pledged to devote their energies to changing the political system in Russia and improving conditions inside its prisons.

Bareheaded despite the -25C cold, Tolokonnikova walked out of prison in the eastern city of Krasnoyarsk, flashing a victory sign to reporters waiting outside. “How do you like our Siberian weather here?” she asked, before shouting “Russia without Putin!”

Speaking to the Guardian by telephone shortly after her release from prison in the city of Nizhny Novgorod, Alyokhina said that the pair – who were released as part of a wide-ranging amnesty announced last week – now plan to launch a project which will fight for the rights of inmates in the Russian prison system.

“We will be creating very special, colourful and powerful programmes to defend other innocent women in Russian prisons, who are being turned into slaves right now,” Alyokhina said, adding that she planned to fly to Siberia in order to meet up with her band mate.

Tolokonnikova confirmed that the two women planned to meet soon to discuss the new project: “Russia is built along the same lines as a prison camp at the moment, so it’s important to change the prison camps so that we can start to change Russia,” she said. “Everything is just starting, so fasten your seat belts.”

Alyokhina described her prison sentence as a time of “endless humiliations”, including forced gynaecological examinations almost every day for three weeks.

She said: “I decided to become a human rights activist when I realised how easy it was for officials to make a decision and force women to be examined in the most intimate parts of their bodies. Russian officials should not stay unpunished, they cannot have this kind of absolute power over us.”

Zoya Svetova, a member of the Moscow Public Oversight Commission visited Alyokhina in Moscow jail and confirmed that she had repeatedly been subjected to intimate searches.

“Inmates call it ‘to be let through the chair’ – it is a part of searching process. That is the most humiliating thing for any woman. I am not sure how many times Alyokhina went through it – I guess every time she left the jail to go to court,” Svetova said.

Alyokhina, Tolokonnikova and a third band member, Yekaterina Samutsevich, who was released on appeal shortly after the guilty verdict, were found guilty of hooliganism motivated by religious hatred for their performance of an anti-Putin “punk prayer” inside Moscow’s Cathedral of Christ the Saviour in March 2012.

The two were released as part of an amnesty initiated by Putin and backed by the Russian parliament last week, which is timed to coincide with the 20th anniversary of the Russian constitution. The women qualify because they have young children.

Alyokhina told Russian television that had she been given the chance, she would have turned down the offer of amnesty, and served out the remainder of her sentence, which was due to finish in March.

“This is not an amnesty, this is a hoax and a PR move,” she said. Tolokonnikova called on western countries to boycott the Sochi Olympics in February in protest at the Russian regime.

Samutsevich also rejected the women’s amnesty. “We were innocent when the Kremlin locked us up: it was not amnesty that we expected from Putin; we demand acquittal,” she told the Guardian.

Read More

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Dec 05 2013



Watch the whole talk here»

This guy stopped watching porn — and he wants you to know why. Gender activist Ran Gavrieli felt that most of the images he saw in porn encouraged negative, even violent, attitudes toward women, despite a recent wave of feminist porn. So he pulled the plug, and found that his personal sex life and private fantasies became much more fulfilling.

In his talk at TEDxJaffa, he advocates for physically and emotionally-safe sex, as well as erotica that shows a wider range of fulfilling sexual experiences — including the intimacy of human connection, laughter, and touch. Watch his talk here.

I could never date someone who watched porn, and I get judged on that, but this is why.

(via thisblackwitch)

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Nov 30 2013


I’m not a misandrist but men talk so much, it’s irritating as hell. They should make debarking collars for them like the ones they keep using on their dogs — then if your man won’t shut up, just put the collar on and he’ll have to! They deserve it so much more than pets.

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Nov 10 2013


So, that last post made me think about abuse and dominance, and it made me realize something about why we don’t believe the narratives of oppressed and marginalized communities and peoples when it comes to abuse and dominance, but we believe such claims when something slight happens to a group with privilege in power or make excuses for when they abuse.

The way that systems of abuse are upheld is that we don’t actually believe abuse is happening at all. We see instances of abusive violence as individual random acts unrelated to hierarchical systems of supremacy in culture at large, removed from power dynamics and historical contexts, and simply a matter of “something happened to someone at the hands of someone else, but that’s life”. That is to say, we see two equally parties with equal culpability and power clashing against each other in an admittedly imperfect but not necessarily wrong or evil way. So, if group A does something to group B, that means group B must have provoked it, right? At least it means group A isn’t the devil, things happen, so it goes! There’s no reason to completely call out group A and think there are other motivations or dynamics at play, and to blame them wholly would be to “demonize” them needlessly.

Instead, we blame the abused and victimized, and that effectively absolves abusers of responsibility and ourselves of the task of questioning those in power and challenging them for their behavior-it is much easier to convince the abused to be quiet since they were at fault and deserved it than it is to stand up to the abuser.

So, in this system of “We need to blame someone for this violence and it sure as hell won’t be the ones perpetuating it”, inherent in marginalized bodies is culpability, blame, criminality, and wrongness. You remove them from their humanity and their ability to be harmed so as to make them into a monolith that can instead be accused and demonized. Oppositely, groups in power are right, pure, blameless, and never in the wrong, or at least not evil if they are (they’re just human!). They are nuanced in their contexts and humanity and excuses that are given aren’t so much just excuses (though they are definitely that) so much as it is people personifying them and giving them context so as to explain why they might engage in behavior, even if it is problematic. This is why “Corporations are people”, but poor black women are Evil Angry Welfare Queens.

Thus, any act that is committed against groups in power is the only true injustice because it was truly unsolicited and unfair. They are, in their position of privilege and power, blameless and real and can be hurt. Marginalized people however, in their criminality, cannot.

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Stop telling bullied kids to “hold on” and “it’ll be alright”, teach them how to fight the fuck back because they’re worth it and they deserve to-“Zero tolerance” policies are dangerous, fuck respecting them to the point that you have no recourse to defend yourself from hurt. Tell bullied kids they’re beautiful and aren’t wrong in who they are and shouldn’t have to merely “weather” shit until it improves because that puts the responsibility on them for shit that is victimizing and hurting them. Tell bullied kids you’re about to call their teachers, their principals, their superintendents, parents across the school district, the fucking news and their representatives, because this shit isn’t OK with you and they should not be afraid, intimidated, and abused in places that should be safe spaces. Be a useful adult for once and protect bullied kids for real, put your money where your mouth is as an authority and fight for them. Get over your “It gets better” nonsense. What happens in your youth defines you, and if you learn that you are shit that deserves to be abused and the powers that be won’t do much about it, it won’t get better, you just merely learn how to become complacent with abuse and bullshit and you learn to think you deserve it and you trust no one. Let’s fix that cycle and that system and let’s stop apologizing and excusing it, let’s stop leaving bullied kids to fend for themselves. They DESERVE better.

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Aug 28 2013



Support the Effort to Investigate South Dakota’s Foster Care Programs by signing the petition and getting informed!

A formal complaint has been delivered to the United Nations Office due to the more than 700 Native American children removed from their homes and placed in foster care each year in South Dakota. Of those children, about 87 percent are placed with non-native families or group homes, far from their Indian communities, culture, and ceremonies. A violation of the Indian Child Welfare Act, we argue.

Exploitation for Profit is WRONG! Stop increasing Pharmaceuticals and separating families!

Read Al Jazeera’s Article HERE


I want to note that the actual petition text includes mentions of child abuse and child sexual abuse, anf the apologism and cover-up thereof.

(via tommisonspubictopiary)

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Jun 10 2013

Creepshots is back. And they have migrated to Tumblr.






This needs to fucking stop.  This is an absolute invasion of women, this is disgusting, and this Tumblr needs to go away.

We need to report both the Twitter and the Tumblr.

Creepshots is a website for men to take “sexy” pictures of unsuspecting women, and from their ‘About Us’ section it states: “Creepshots are CANDID pictures.  If a person is posing or aware that a picture is being taken, then it is no longer a creepshot.”  

These men take pictures of women who are unaware and post them.

 And then under their rules for getting the pictures removed?  One of the two options is to “appreciate” the fact that some fucking gross man took a picture of you.

Signal boost.

I’ve sent a report to tumblr and you should too.

To report a blog to tumblr, you need to email the full URL and name of the blog to tumblr.

Let’s get it taken down!



there’s two ways-it’s more effective if you do both:

1) Block them here and then report for harassment.

2) You can also email tumblr at and tell them to ban creepshots. Provide them with the url to the blog ( and explain why they should be banned. If you’re too lazy to write out an email, you can use mine:

Hello tumblr staff,

Please remove/ban the blog They post demeaning, humiliating and objectifying pictures of women (typically their asses and breasts and even under their skirts) that they take without their permission on the street and in public. These guys were banned and deleted from reddit. Can you really say that tumblr is less of a safe respectable place than reddit?

What they are doing is wrong. Many, many users on tumblr feel violated and unsafe by this blog’s presence in the tumblr community. These men are violating the privacy of women everywhere. They specifically state in their about me: “Creepshots are CANDID pictures. If a person is posing or aware that a picture is being taken, then it is no longer a creepshot. A true creepshot captures the natural sexy, embarrassing or funny aspect of the subject mater/person without their knowledge.” They specifically state that only accept pictures of people whose privacy has been violated (source:

Please do something to show that you care about the safety and dignity of women, particularly the women in the tumblr community. If you don’t care about that, can you at least ban/delete them in the name of protecting yourself from legal liability? because there’s a strong likelihood that some of those pictures are of underaged girls. Given that these men are taking pics of young women they don’t know, how can they know their ages for certain? All it takes is one concerned parent or adolescent seeing their picture on that site, and if you don’t take it down, legal action could be taken against you.

So please, in the name of what is ethical and right and even legally responsible and smart, delete creepshots. Thank you.


________ (tumblr username/name)


(Source: sidneydear, via lgbtlaughs)

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May 15 2013

Stopy saying derp



stop saying derp

stop saying derpy

stop saying herp derp

It’s not cute, it’s fucked up and shitty.

don’t do it

It’s a twee version of retarded. So think about it that way, every time you are saying herp derp, you are actually saying that.

Is it still fun and cute to say?

I lost count of how many times I have seen some variation of it on my dashboard this morning alone. Like, literally, seriously lost count because it happened so much.

Stop it.

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May 05 2013


Photos: Survivors of North Carolina’s Eugenics Program
Photographs by Andy McMillan / Text by Maya Dusenbery

Between 1929 and 1974, North Carolina sterilized more than 7,500 of its residents. Most were operated on without their consent, having been deemed “feebleminded” and unfit to reproduce by the state Eugenics Board. Eighty-five percent were women; about 40 percent were black or Native American. As many as 2,000 victims are thought to still be alive.  [Read more.]

See also Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present by Harriet Washington.

(via everythingsbetterwithbisexuals)

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Mar 29 2013





1. Playing Innocent

A manipulator does not take responsibility for hurting others and instead plays innocent, acting like he is the harmed party when confronted about his hurtful behavior. By playing innocent and casting himself as the victim, he tries to throw his partner off balance, making her feel unjustified or even guilty about challenging his behavior. She may even become sympathetic, feeling that his bad experiences hurt him, instead of seeing his manipulative behavior as an attempt to win at all costs.

2. Rationalizing Behavior

A manipulator will offer rationalizations that justify his behavior, reasons that come close enough to making sense that the partner being manipulated is easily put off guard. The rationalizations are not his true motives, merely a means of justifying his conduct so as to avoid having to have a realistic discussion about changing it.

3. Now You See It, Now You Don’t

Try to discuss an area of disagreement with a manipulator, and the manipulator may try to retain control by changing the topic or throwing in everything including the kitchen sink to distract his partner from the discussion topic.

A classic example of how a manipulator diverts attention from the topic at hand is to talk about how the behavior he’s committed, and the partner has identified as a problem, is something other people do to him. He turns the discussion from his wrongdoing to how he is so often wronged.

Another approach is for him to introduce extraneous factors rather than respond directly to comments or questions.

4. Playing Dumb

Rather than address criticism or requests to change behaviors, a manipulator will often play dumb. With the goal of maintaining power and control, he will ignore the requests and not listen to others’s suggestions.

5. Sharing Half-Truths

A manipulator is likely to hide information that is relevant or deny his behavior by sharing just enough of the truth as necessary to convince others of his honesty. Key aspects of a situation may not be disclosed by a manipulator seeking to maintain control.

6. Inducing Guilt

A manipulative person makes accusations when confronted about his own behavior. Some classics are to accuse the partner of not loving him enough, not doing enough for him, or not doing enough to help him. His inability to change is portrayed as his partner’s fault. Typically, a manipulator chooses an empathetic partner who is vulnerable to this tactic.

7. Jokes and Insults

A manipulator will try to shame or intimidate his partner by making insulting remarks. When confronted, the manipulator will often try to pass off his rude and insulting remarks as “jokes.” A careful and honest listener will realize that his jokes are not funny and have serious, unfriendly overtones.

8. Blaming Others

A manipulator avoids responsibility for his own conduct by blaming others for causing it.

9. Minimizing the Significance of Behavior

Expect a manipulator to accuse his partner of making too big a deal out of his behavior. The partner will be accused of exaggerating the behavior itself or its significance. In other words, the manipulator contends “it’s not me who has the problem.”

10: Bullying the Victim

At the first sign his partner is trying to hold him accountable for his behavior, a manipulator may begin to turn the tables by bullying the partner. He may accuse the partner of wrongdoing on other occasions or of always treating him badly. By bullying the partner, he expects her to back off and let him maintain his controlling position.

***”Manipulation is a learned behaviorno one is born with it. It’s very much a survival strategy learned from early childhood and therefore changing the behavior is near impossible. Your time is better invested in developing strategies to protect yourselves, because you can never change a manipulator’s actions.”

In other words, dump the jerk and then look into how you attracted him in the first place. “Women who attract manipulators tend to lack self-worth and assertiveness, and they tend to be people pleasers. They trust to the point of ignorance and therefore do not realize that they are being manipulated until they have been in emotional turmoil for some time. It can often be years before they see the situation for what it really is.

But once you do recognize it, you can put a stop to it. “First, take responsibility and own up to being a victim and a target.  And most importantly, get out of the relationship and become who you really are; not something someone else wants you to be.”

Sources: Carol Bengle Gilbert and Colleen Oakley

This is mine and Ronnie’s relationship to a fucking T, except throw in some nice systematic alienation from my friends and family and some even nicer body image control. 

Gladly a person fitting this to a T is now out of my life, but god it was a frustrating few months when I felt like I was the only one who could see her for what she was.

ah, family…this is why I love my chosen family so much more than my born family

(via ladyshinga)

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